Mary Wineberg SITE
Many black women continue to say in your comments and your private notes to me that men don't appreciate the beauty and desirability (as wives) of browner or darker black women--and increasingly these days, even many light skinned bw are shunned as wives by black men. You also continue to send me more and more evidence that bw are getting denigrated to the max.
What you're really saying is that MANY BLACK MALES don't appreciate the beauty and desirability of black women as wives and that many black men are denigrating black women to the max. After two years of blogging, this continues to be the same old drum beat in your comments, y'all BECAUSE you're still not accepting the fact that many black men are damaged beyond repair.
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Until you learned this lesson, you will keep seeing it and it will keep hitting you in the face in various ways. Once you learn that lesson, then nothing any black man does that is anti-black woman will confuse or surprise you. Now here's the shocker: Some of you have begun to believe that white men ARE black men. LOL!! You're projecting the thoughts of DBRbm onto typical white men. You think that since so many bm don't love our non-white beauty, that white men who like black women must not appreciate our array of chocolate to butterscotch hues either. LOL! Now last time I checked, I didn't see any evidence that white men were taking their marching orders from DBRbm.
So, let's NOT get this twisted. Obviously, many white men and other non-bm DO appreciate the beauty of black women and desire bw for loving relationships and as wives these days. Here's an interesting piece someone sent me. THANKS much for this piece. It underscores my point
"Shocked by British men's choice..what is WRONG WITH MEN IN EUROPE?"
I'm a college student here in the U.S and this summer I did the "studying abroad" like most universities have. There were about 45 students this summer from the business school in my University.
I'm 23 years and I consider myself a good looking girl because I take care of myself. I do not look down on others or races. I'm obvious white, 115 pounds, 5"5" tall, 36 bust. In college i have a lot of guys going after me and my friends.
STUDY ABROAD SUMMER:
This summer the study abroad was in london. We were so excited about being in london and meeting good looking british guys. To our surprise, we found that european men preferred to go after black women. This was shocking and such an eye opener to me and my white girl friends.
We went to pubs, clubs, restaurants. lounges and some other fancy places. It was the same. They bought drinks for them. Thats not to say that white men did not hit on white girls just that seemed to be on equal grounds. Which is good but surprising because this does not usually happen in america.
our group of girls had 3 white girls and 2 African American girls. I'm not racist. Even in school this is our usual circle of friends. We travelled together in Europe and every where else.
Every time we went out, the british white guys would mostly be after the African American girls. My African American girls are also pretty. It's just that it shocked us the white American girls. We thought, we would be the first pick. I guess we are used to the white American guys not appraoching black girls, I thought it would be the same there.
I found that in europe a white girl is not the most wanted girl. I learned tthat white and black girls have equal chances when it comes to men there. We found that there are many white men and black women couples in the U.K as there are black men and white women couples. Unlike in the U.S where there much more blcak men and white women couples compared to white men and black women couples
By the time we went out for the 4th times, we the white girls knew it was fair game for the men for both black and white girls.
I WAS HURT NOT because I'm white but because there were some guy there that i would have liked to have spent some time with but instead they chose to get to know an African America girl. I would have felt the same way had they chosen an other white girl over me
Not all but from what we experienced we learned that european men view women of all races in the same way or view black women in better light than white american men. This happened when we went to France, Ireland, Scotland, Switerland, Italy and Germany.
Bare in mind that there are a lot black british people in the U.K. I have lived with black people for as long as we have.
I had a good time though. I learned a lot about other people and culture.
Why is it different here. In america, i'm a 100% certain that if I were to walk in a place with only white men and I walked in with some African American girls that a white man would appraoch a black woman at least not in public or in front of a white girl.
What makes a white american man different from a white european man? "
SOURCE for this piece.
On a side note, doesn't the disdainful attitude of many black men these days towards black women in the U.S. remind y'all of how relations used to be between white men and black women on the ole plantation--where black women were sex objects but not wife material? This same pattern is the dominant pattern between AA men and women these days. It's MANY AA men these days who regard black women as sex objects who are not fit for marriage or not beautiful (translation: not light enough) to be worthy of respectable attention and loving relationships. It's mainly many AA men these days who seek sex ONLY from AA women unless they're whiter-skinned or "mixed" in appearance.
I know this is an uncomfortable reality for some people, but AA women really have to face this squarely. Magical thinking is not in harmony with Living Well. Magical thinking will kill you and is killing lots of black women, stunting the lives of black children, and/or is causing the women to abort hundreds of thousands of black fetuses every year.
How stupid is it for so many black women to continue seeing a typical black man as a potentially loving partner when that black man is seeing the typical black woman as merely a semen receptacle?!! Many black women are not able to conceive that lots of black males see them this way because the indoctrination program that MANY black girls and black women undergo has convinced them to perceive the typical black male as "normal." Even some caring black men these days are telling black women to catch a clue and "wise up!!" These black men KNOW how other black men think and operate.
The fact is that many AA women are indeed wife material, and always have been, however many black men who have always coveted whiter-skinned women are now able to acquire the coveted object. This preference for white-skinned women really has very little to do with black women or even with whiter women. The whiter woman, in many cases, is simply a coveted object.
A white man offline asked me recently, "Why do so many black men date and marry white women these days?" LOL! Even some white men are amazed at this headlong rush of so many black men for white women. I don't believe this wm had any racist feelings about this phenomenon since he is married to a black woman himself and lives in a multi-racial family. I think he voiced what many people are thinking. This is quite shocking to them.
I think many black women need to repeat the following to themselves about this situation in order to clear up any confusion regarding this matter. Say: "I am not responsible for who or what any man covets. It has nothing to do with me."
This is important because MANY black men continue to blame their coveting whiter women on black women. They use black women as a cover. It's obvious that these men do NOT want people to know that they are merely coveting and collecting whiter skin.
From all indications, this 'blaming of black women,' all started with basketball player, Wilt Chamberlain, with his claim that he could only date white women because black women weren't "sophisticated enough." He cited as an example that black women didn't know which fork to use at dinner in restaurants. LOL! So po' Wilt just didn't have a choice.
Prior to this point, black men who dated and married white women didn't try to whip or blame black women for this choice. This blame has morphed and morphed and morphed to the point where the rapper, Yung Berg recently threw away all remnants of the cover and didn't try to spray it with anything. He just made it plain when he declared that he does not "do dark butts," because he doesn't like dark women. At least he didn't try to blame black women or darker women for his dislike; he just said he rejects darker or browner women as dates or mates. Period. Just think that if Wilt Chamberlain had just "manned up" and been able to just declare his love for white women without talking about forks at the restaurant, he would have lain the foundation for all of the Yung Bergs since that time to just be honest. And there are a LOT of Wilts and Yung Bergs or wannabe Yung Bergs out there among AA men. Sistas, BEWARE!! Don't let them sex you up and then later claim, they don't 'do' darker women. LOL!
In 2008, many non-bm are increasingly interested in dating and loving black women as life partners--as social taboos against interracial dating and marriage have relaxed. We are now in a phase where many non-bm are seeking ways to learn more about black women aside from what's in the media and many of them are, at this moment, wondering whether that cute black girl/woman in their class or at work who was wearing the yellow top is interested in dating a non-bm. There seems to be a mystique about what white men want from black women. LOL!
Black women need to realize that white men who like black women like to look at attractive women of all skin shades because males are males. Beyond all of the -isms, males in any society are still wired to be males. Men are attracted primarily to attractive (from their perspective), friendly, "win"nable women. Many wm STILL do not believe that black women are "win"able. For starters, they believe that black women will refuse to date them. I've received many notes from white men who tell me this. I see no reason to believe they are lying. Also, in my offline life, I've known of many instances where black women have refused to go out with white men due to various types of FEAR. Aside from similar social factors, primarily, many white men are afraid they will be rejected if they ask a black woman out. This is why Steven in the blog below says that black women might need to non-brashly/indirectly/subtly show that they are interested in dating a white guy. I agree that this is problematic and confusing for many black women, but as I believe and always say: black women will find a way.
To white men and black women: This doesn't mean that every black woman or white/nonblack man you express interest in will be interested in dating you. Some people are already committed to others; some have just gotten out a relationship, some are overwhelmed by other interests at the moment, etc.
The biggest struggle many AA women are still having is that MANY of them continue to view themselves through the eyes of the CCBC (central committee of the black community) and when it comes to black female beauty, dbr-AA men are the ONLY voices on the committee that count. These men out-shout everyone else. They have the greatest influence on thought about bw's worth in the bc. They are the thought-leaders regarding bw.
Now y'all can write this down: In order to cover up and divert attention away from their coveting of white-skinned women, many of these men are going to CONTINUE to denigrate, debase, defile, and devalue black women, so any black woman who receives and accepts the view of her beauty, desirability, or worth from the bm on the ccbc is doomed. Not only will those women be doomed; their daughters and many of the black women who they can influence will be doomed.
It is startlingly clear to me that any black woman who is determined to survive, thrive, and live well these days and have her children do the same--MUST escape the physical reach and/or mental influence of the CCBC. The black community of yesteryear does NOT exist any longer. If you think it still exists, you are inside of a delusion.
It's virtually impossible to 'Live Well' if you live too long around or inside the mental confines of the black "community." Life inside a typical black "community" has reached the point of vanishing returns for MOST black women who live MENTALLY in or even near these black enclaves or neighborhoods. Fortunately, I haven't had to live inside one of these hell holes, either mentally or physically, but I have associated with many black women who do, and it's a sordid, sorry life many sistas experience there. But here's the kicker: many of these black women **think** they live a "normal" life. They say things like: "Girl, it's bad everywhere, so there's no point in even trying to move." Or regarding the numerous DBR men who surround them, they'll say: "Men are the same everywhere. At least I know what I'm getting here." LOL!
All of these places have this in common: they eat on black women to survive. If you're a black woman who lives in one of these places, that little bad feeling or that depression that you just can't seem to shake is because somebody just took a bite out of you and is draining your lifeblood. Trust. They will slowly but surely devour you. Your children will be the next to go or they're being eaten already. You just won't find out until later.
You do have a choice. You must first decide to escape the CCBC in order to Live Well. You then must learn to be immune to or be prepared to devour anyone from the CCBC who tries to stop you.